Sunday, September 6, 2009

Bashful


Bashful
(ˈbash-fəl)
adjective

DEFINITION:
1. Socially shy or timid
2. Etymology: obsolete bash (to be abashed)
3. Embarrassed by compliments, attention

EXAMPLE SENTENCE Before I learned this word, when I was 1.5 years old, I thought its definition had something to do with bashing skulls in. I was not far off. ( Oh, wait, I neglected to put the actual word into the sentence....um, bashful! Ok, I feel better, do you?)

You know one thing which I am not? Ok, to be clear there a few things which I am not. I am not a rapist (89% sure). I am not a boating enthusiast (19% sure). I am not someone who uses smiley face at the end of e-mails (155% sure) and I am not someone you should loan money too. Just kidding S*** I will TOTALLY pay you back!

I can say the latter with a absolute clarity because it is 263% fact. One other thing that I can say with a straight face is that no matter the situation, I am not, under any circumstance, bashful. Don't get me wrong I relish in being a self-deprecating, irritating little shit. With a pension for taking a automatic weapons and casually fishing for compliments with terms like, "Am I good enough?", "Tell me again about how nice I look when I sleep, because I cannot believe you when you only say it twice." But bashful? Neigh, my friends.

A bashful person does not keep their IQ score laminated and readily available in their back pocket on the off chance that it may come up in conversation. A bashful person does not send in an anonymous, insider "tip" to the local news claiming that the yet unidentified person who saved the 20 drowning children had brown hair, blue eyes and a weird name...something like Eugenia or Ugenya or...click.

A bashful person blushes when someone asks if it's true that they once scaled a 12 foot burning building to save a purebred Persian cat from getting it's whiskers singed. They do not, as I would do, roll their eyes and say, "Scaled a building? That's an understatement. More like floated."

And a bashful person does not harbor the dream of someday being a writer. Because what is writing if not saying, "Stop it. Let me tell the story, I can do it so much better even though I was not there. Your memories, your reflections, your stories? Coming from your mouth they mean nothing, the audience politely excuses it'self to the bathroom and never returns. Allow me to tell it instead. Because I am profound and prolific, I am the voice you frantically grasp at but never capture. I use a thousand word to describe a smiley face...I am gold. I am pure. I spit fire. Once, when I was 11...wait, where did everyone go?"

(: Also, bashful was one of Snow White's Seven Dwarfs. And I'm 82% sure I am not a dwarf.

3 comments:

MEBEE said...

"Ok, I feel better, do you?" -Ugenya

"I'm OK, how are you? Thanks for asking. Thanks for asking." -Radiohead

l i l y said...

You're really too pretty that's the thing you know cause like if you looked like the fat lady in the green outfit in the ripsnorter one (the meaning of which has already slipped my deformed pituitary/alzheimers gland) you might be bashful. you also might want to inject yourself with that thing or whatever the other girl is doing the one about xenophobia or wanting to be flawless as in an open sky - yes i think that's what we all want an open sky; please stop not writing or i will be start using the word "blog" as a verb at which point i will kill myself.

l i l y said...

i meant the green outfit lady, her wanting to be xenophobic (but definitely not that) err flawless and oh - um, this is sullied as i am. i sort of think that green tutu rubenesque "Voowman" should be a character in a book I'm not writing that will be a bit like precious but in the suburbs in a trailer park - i was always jealous of my friends in sixth - eight grade who lived in trailer parks and went to bible study - i felt really left out