Monday, July 6, 2009
Dear Freakishly Die Hard Fan (s),
I would like to express my completely insincere and forced apology for my lack of diligence with this blog. Normally, I would blame it on the fact that I am really fucking busy. Like, seriously, really busy. But in this case, I was moving all week. Remember that dude ,who created the earth and the universe and glorious things like puppies and rocks...in like six days and then had to crash on Sunday cause he was so tired. Well, I'm a lot like him, but craftier, nicer, more attractive and more important and obviously way busier.
So, to my millions (three) of die hard (bored) fans (family members) who wake up every day on the brink of suicidal depression and look to me as their one and only source of comfort and warmth in this cold, faceless, foreboding world. I'm sorry I let you down. Thanks to all of you for your letters of concern and the fancy cars you bought me and the many packages filled with cocaine and cash, that was really sweet and I appreciate your bribes and more importantly I accept them. So, no more lallygagging. I'm back bitches. Until I have something more important to do, or someone cooler to hang out with, or am tired or hungry or in a bad mood, or a mood too good to be shared and if there's nothing good on TV--you can count on me. I will be there for you, seekers of knowledge, 9% of the time.
And if I become lazy again with my posts, just keep sending me bribes. They really work!