Monday, July 20, 2009

Bardolater

Bardolater

(ar-DAH-luh-ter)

noun

MEANING: 1. A person who idolizes Shakespeare

EXAMPLE SENTENCE: If you fancy yourself a bardolater it's best to also have something tough to back it up with, like, "And I also collect machine guns."


I'm a bardolater. Except for instead of Shakespeare, it's booze and instead of a idolization it's more like an quirky personality trait or a funny habit or as my therapist said right before I fired her, "A sick addiction that must stop immediately if I want to live past the age of 26," Judgmental anyone?

Actually I know a lot about Shakespeare, or Shaky-Shakes as I call him in private. I know that he was a pretty good writer but lacked the biting humor that greater writers such as myself possess. I've heard rumors that he was bisexual and more over I have proof of it. I knew that his neighbors often complained about his loud music and that he rarely washed his pants. I also once took a Shakespeare class where we were required to "translate" his sonnets into modern day lamens terms. It was in Community College, ok? For example the teacher would say,

"But be contented when that fell arrest,
Without all bail shall carry me away,
My life hath in this line some interest,
Which for memorial still with thee shall stay."

And Tyrone would scream from the back of the room,

"Mutherfucking Shakespeare was arrested, yo."

Tyrone was the smartest person in the class, by far. I thought the sonnet was about falling asleep on a hay bale.

In fact if you want to know anything else about Shakespeare, you should probably just ask him, I’m done with this gay literary bullshit, I’m gonna go watch reality TV and really learn something.

3 comments:

jorg wobblington lopez said...

if that's the case then I am a birdolater

MEBEE said...

i'm a percolater.

dogimo said...

Shakespeare is already kind of tough.