Wednesday, June 3, 2009
1. A cricket or grasshopper.
2. A small or young eel.
3. A lively or lighthearted person.
This Prozac makes me as merry as a grig.
This word is clearly having an identity crisis. And it's bullshit because this epidemic may spread. Soon other words will take heed of the precarious nature of this word and feel like they too have the right to attach numerous meanings to their old meaning just to screw with our heads. Chaos will ensue.
Can you imagine if the word sandwich meant a tasty layered snack AND a neon green bowling ball AND and invitation for anal sex? Why not take a word like love and attach an alternative meaning to it like,
1: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2: The intent to kill a person with no warning; usually involving ice picks, blunt objects or sawed off shotguns.
That way when someone says I love you, you can say I love you too, even if you really want them to die.
My mother told me than when she was living in South Korea and trying learn Korean she would accidentally ask people for sex when she meant to ask them for soup because the words were exactly the same and she would put the emphasis on the wrong syllable.
Well that's all fine and dandy but that's why I don't live in KOREA, I live in AMERICA where everything is perfect and beautiful and each thing has has its very own word. But then grig had to come along and fuck everything up for me. Well I'm not going to take this sitting down. I'm going to make up three new words for baby eel, grasshopper, and cricket.
From here on out a baby eel will be called a baeel. A grasshopper will be called yummmmcrunch, and a cricket will be called a....um, uh. Fine it will be called an um-uh.
Got it? Good.