Sunday, May 3, 2009




1. Grey or white, with or as if with age
2. Extremely old; ancient

Example Sentence
Thank God I'm not old enough to be described as hoary; unless someone is slurring.

Old people do not enjoy being reminded that they are old. Words like ancient, decrepit and debilitated should be avoided at all costs when discussing someone's age. And I have been reminded (time and time and time again) that saying, "Aren't you supposed to be dead by now Grandma?" or, "Blah blah, like I'm going to take financial advice from someone with tennis balls on their walker..." tend to lead to accusations that you are an ageist.

Which is why I am pleased to be introduced to this new synonym for "old". Hoary! This way, instead of giving the impression that I am looking down at someone for their age, I will give the impression that I think said elderly person is a dirty, filthy, whore.

You might disagree with me but riddle me this...

Would you rather be described as a washed up, California raisin of a person, who's losing their wits and can't control their bowl movements or a venal and unscrupulous (young and attractive) person who happens to trade the use of their supple, sexual and firm body for piles of gold?

Case in point.

So next time it's your great grandmothers birthday and she asks you how she looks, simply reply, "You don't look a day over 40 you immoral, tight bodied, hoary trollop."

You can send me a check for 10% when the whore in question immediately makes you the sole proprietor to their will.

P.s. You're welcome.

P.p.s. Google Image gave me pictures of bats and other cute animals when I typed in the word hoary into the search engine. So I cheated and choose my image by typing in the words, "Oldest person imaginable" instead. I chose this guy because he's wearing a helmet. Really? Safety first at 136 years old? More power to you.

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