Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Dear John Letter

Dear Merriam Webster,

Remember last week when I came home at 5 am smelling like sin, immediately took a shower and wouldn't look you in the eye? You asked me if there was someone else and I pretended to have a seizure so I didn't have to answer you? Remember when you came home early from work and caught me looking at a different word of the day website and my face turned red and I made up some excuse about it just being a pop up ad?

It wasn't a pop up ad my dear Webster, and there is someone else. I didn't mean for this to happen, I was perfectly happy with your words, I love your audio pronunciation and your Did You Know? section introduced me to more Latin word origins than I ever thought possible. But I need more. We started out so strong. We met, we hit it off, I gave you my e-mail address and you gave me words like Lickerish and Hachury. But it just seems like you don't care about me anymore, a few days ago you were so drunk you didn't even get out of bed all day and when I demanded you give me a word you mumbled the word posture and threw up. Posture? Then today I wake up determined to make it work with you and what word do you give me? Philadelphia Lawyer. I feel like you're not even trying to make this work.

I just want you to know that until this morning, nothing happened with me and dictionary.com. Sure, I thought about it, but I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. But today something happened, I gave dictionary.com my e-mail address. He hasn't even written me a confirmation e-mail yet so who knows what will happen. But I did, and I want to be honest with you, it felt damn good pressing that subscribe button.

I don't want to end it with you, I just want to have choices ok? I still want to be friends and I occasionally still want to enjoy your words I just want the choice to have other words too. Does that make sense?

I'm sorry.

Xo, Eugenia


MEBEE said...

so Merriam Webster is cheating on you with a Philadelphia Lawyer because of your destitute posture. i get it.

Eugenia Borkowski said...

I'm so happy i don't have to spell everything out for you, Mary. you-just-get-it.

jorg wobblington lopez said...

Is that you in the picture? What's your heart doing out of it's cage?